Mommy, I'm Home 2.0

Last night while making dinner, a young woman and young man came to the door and started going on about how they were the adult children of a neighbor of mine and they were raising money to go to Europe to study by selling magazines. They said another neighbor had agreed to purchase magazines through them and asked if I’d be interested too. They even said the other neighbor had mentioned how nice I am.

I started to say no because I don’t like to keep magazines around, but then they said the magazines could be donated to a military hospital, so I changed my mind.

The whole time, they were talking about the neighbors — using actual names and details that one would think only someone who was on the up-and-up would know.

They seemed like nice, decent people, so I agreed to buy two magazines — one from each of them — and I even invited them to sit on my new front porch while we filled out the paperwork.

Then they hit me with the price of the two magazines (I won’t go into the gory details, but it was A LOT)! They went on and on about how they’d have their parents pay the taxes so it wouldn’t be quite so expensive, so again I thought they were legit. I didn’t want to be stingy, though, since they were “the neighbor’s kids” and all that; so I told them I would buy just one (still A LOT of money, but not quite as bad).

I then wrote them a check and got a receipt before saying I had to go inside to finish making dinner. Then, one of them said, “so are you going to make us some dinner too, honey?” and right there I knew I had been scammed!

Yes, that “honey” gave it away. My neighbor’s kids would not refer to me as “honey” — even if they were college-age men who thought they were all that and then some.

Seriously, at that point, I just went in my house and shut the door and started fuming. I was so stinkin’ mad at myself for falling for them.

To make it even worse, earlier in the day, I had seen a 17-person passenger van full of college-age kids in the neighborhood. I thought to myself, “Bet they’re going to drop all of them off and have them hit us up to buy something as part of a big rip off.” Then I promptly forgot about it.

One would think I would have remembered this by the time the two “neighbor’s kids” came to my front door, but they completely threw me off because not only did they mention the neighbors by name, but they also mentioned their dogs’ names and the street they live on. Even though I don’t personally know this neighbor, I figured if they knew all those details they must be telling the truth.

Yes, I am an idiot. However, DialogDog pointed out that I was in good company since the doctor next door also fell for the scam (he was the neighbor who supposedly said how nice I am).

Still fuming, I went next door and asked the neighbor if he knew for a fact that the two were who they said they were. He was extremely apologetic and said he realized after the fact that he had been scammed — just as I had realized. We then took action — we both canceled our checks (because I’d rather pay my bank then the company that employs those two yahoos), he called the police (they were too busy to come out), and I went home and started Googling such scams. Sure enough, it took me all of 5 seconds to find this story in The New York Times.

I can not believe I fell for it… .

So my stand-alone freezer died last week.

It died a slow death — so slow that I didn’t notice it was dying until I went downstairs Friday morning and a dead-animal smell was emanating from the half-thawed carcasses of all the meat I had stored in it.

After I threw everything out and swore I was done with stand-alone freezers (since this is the second one I’ve had die), I felt kind of bad for the poor trash guys who were going to have to haul all that rancid meat away.

Have you ever smelled rancid meat? Rancid meat that has sat in the hot garbage dumpster for three days? Yeah, those trash guys were definitely going to earn their pay when they showed up at our house Monday morning.

Then this morning rolled around and I’m backing out of the garage and almost demolish the garbage cans that the trash guys so carelessly left strewn around my driveway. This has been an ongoing issue with the trash guys. They like to just dump and run, leaving the trash cans wherever they happen to land instead of putting them back to the side of the driveway where they won’t get run over by any harried mothers rushing to get their spawn out the door.

Really, is it too much to ask???? JUST PUT THE GARBAGE CANS OFF TO THE SIDE WHERE YOU FOUND THEM AND NOBODY WILL GET HURT!!!!

So, after screaming the above mentioned plea at the top of my lungs (not really), I went to move the trash cans back to their proper place and I noticed that rotting flesh smell — the smell so strong I’m surprised the police hadn’t been called out to investigate a possible dead body at our house.

Then I didn’t feel so angry at the trash guys anymore. In fact, I guess you can say we both got our little revenge… .

I know that I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again – and again and again – until the caretakers of young children get it through their thick skulls that swim diapers are NOT optional!

Yes, we had another poop incident in our pool yesterday, which happened to be the hottest day of the week according to the weatherman. Imagine our dismay when we went up to the pool gates at 1 p.m. in the 90something degree heat and we found a note saying the pool was closed for the day because of feces in the water.

There wasn’t poop in the pool when we left swim team practice at 9:30, so I know it came from some little tyke’s bum either during swim lessons or preschool hour. Either way, it was a potential bummer for The Midge and I — the second time in two weeks that we’ve been ousted from a pool because of someone’s irresponsible behavior.

Speaking of irresponsible behavior, what is it with parents that send their non-swimming kids down  huge water slides and then laugh as they flounder in the water at the end of the ride and the lifeguard has to jump in to save them?

This happened three times yesterday at a nearby water park where The Midge and I ended up after the whole poop in the pool incident.

Disturbing…

As I prepare for our upcoming trip to visit the GIANT RAT in Florida, I’ve been doing some online clothes shopping. As a result, the other day, I got to experience the best and worst in customer service.

First, I called Athleta to discuss a return. Here was the conversation:

Me: Yes, I need to return a top.

Athleta Lady: Sure, I can take care of that. Do you mind if I ask why you need to return it?

Me: It’s a bit too snug across the chest area. Apparently I grew boobs over the winter.

AL: OK, no problem. Do you want a refund or would you like to exchange it for a larger size?

Me: Well, I would take an exchange, but I’m leaving on a trip soon and need it for that and I’m worried it won’t get here in time.

AL: No problem. We can get it out today and I’ll waive the shipping for you.

Me: GREAT!

Moments later, I called Boden to find out where an exchange I had requested two weeks prior had ended up.

Me: Yes, I returned a kids’ pajama set that was too small and asked for a larger size. It’s been two weeks and I haven’t gotten a response of any kind yet and wondered what was going on with the order?

Boden Dude: Uh, yeah, like it can take up to 21 days for exchanges to be processed.

Me: Hmmm… I didn’t know that and my daughter needs the pajamas for a trip that we’re leaving on soon.

BD: Uh, well, like, it can take up to 21 days for exchanges to be processed.

Me: Can you at least check on my order to make sure it’s been processed?

BD: Uh, like sure, but it can still take up to 21 days for exchanges to be processed.

Me: Yes, I understand that, but please check my order to make sure you got it.

BD: (BIG sigh...)

Me (doing my best not to go all crazy customer on his slacker butt): Really, I would like you to check my order.

BD: Uh, OK, but it can take 21 days….

Me: Yeah, got that. Here’s my order number. Look it up, please.

BD: It came in on April 28, so it’ll be 21 days from that.

Me: Is there anything we can maybe do to expedite things a bit so I can get the order before my trip?

BD: No.

Guess which store I won’t be shopping at again….

I made the mistake of  sitting with the mother of one of The Midge’s classmates the other day while our girls were swimming. We started talking about school and the subject of The Midge’s IEP came up. This mother, who is a highly educated professional in her 40s, said to me “Back when I was in school, you were either an overachiever, average or a low achiever. I don’t see why the schools have to change that by offering IEPs and accommodations to kids like yours.”

I had to pause for a moment to contemplate what would happen if I slapped her or pushed her into the pool. I really don’t want/need an assault charge and one of the kids might have gotten hurt if I pushed her ignorant ass into the pool. So instead, I calmly explained to her that if my child didn’t have learning disabilities I might feel the same way, but thankfully I’ve been enlightened by the gift that is The Midge.

Yes, I am still fuming…